Reading List–A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity (Bill O’Reilly)

‘Bold Fresh’ is a departure from my previously-posted reading list, but it was well-worth the detour.  I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I started reading even though I have watched O’Reilly plenty of times on The O’Reilly Factor.  I appreciate his fair treatment of people from all places on the political spectrum and his critical approach to everyone on both sides of the aisle is a welcome departure from the obvious left-wing bias that dominates the American news media.  But the book isn’t really about that.

‘Bold Fresh’ is the story of where Bill O’Reilly came from, his philosophy on life and his work, and the origins and reasons behind his philosophy.  I could literally go an and on about specifics of what is contained in the pages of ‘Bold Fresh’, but I won’t, as you can (and should) read it for yourself.  I can say that after reading it, I have a much greater understanding of O’Reilly’s work and a tremendous amount of respect for him as a human being and as a man.

His fiercely-held belief in self-reliance (as opposed to the entitlement mentality) and standing up for what you believe really resonates for me, and I hope to live up to that ideal even half as well as he’s been able to.  O’Reilly’s viewpoint on holding people accountable for their actions is also something I agree with wholeheartedly.

O’Reilly writes extensively about his belief in the power and necessity of deep, meaningful friendships as an fundamental piece of keeping a man centered and on track.  I have done a fair amount of reading on this topic as well as self-examination and observation of my life the lives of the men around me, and I agree with O’Reilly 100%.  This is an area that many men (myself included) struggle with today; many of us have isolated ourselves from deep friendships with other men, and I believe we are all suffering for it.

All in all, I found ‘Bold Fresh’ to be a really enjoyable read.  O’Reilly’s philosophy lines up closely with my own, and the book has strengthened my resolve to live up to my own ideals.  People who already dislike him will probably not enjoy the book, as his approach tends to be somewhat polarizing.  But, for anyone who either already appreciates his style (or are neutral), go get this book and read it.  Today.

My Long Absence

I realized somewhat suddenly that I haven't done any writing on this blog in the 5 weeks or so since returning from a trip to the Smoky Mountains with my family. For that matter, I haven't written in my journal in that time either. I believe firmly that there is a lot of value in a man being able to pour out his most private thoughts onto paper, where they can be captured, either for later review, or simply to give those thoughts and ideas an alternate location of residence.

I had managed to build something of a routine around my journaling and blogging in the month or so leading up to our last trip, and I need to rebuild that routine because it's just plain good for me. Not in the same way that exercise or eating vegetables is good for me, though. It's more like good for me in the way that being able to vent to a good friend is good for me. Besides, I find that for me, writing down what I'm thinking without thinking so much about what I'm thinking about is the best way to actually make sense of things. Make sense?

For the two of you who actually read what I have to say, I'm sorry that you have been left with nothing from me for a while. As I rebuild my writing routine, I'll be documenting some of my thoughts and experiences here.

Man Make FIRE!

So, I am somewhat ashamed to admit that despite being an active Scouter since my son was a Tiger Cub (he’s a Boy Scout now and I am an Assistant Scoutmaster is his troop), I have never successfully built a fire that didn’t require the use of matches or a lighter. I carry a magnesium fire starter in my pack, but I’ve never actually managed to use it to start a fire.  I’ve tried a few times, but to no avail.

To be sure, I have built lots of fires in my day. When we take the boys camping, it is often my unofficial duty to manage and maintain the campfire.  I carry a hatchet in my pack for splitting kindling. I even have an old walking stick that has gotten shorter and shorter over time as it has seen active duty as a fire poker. Everyone knows it’s mine and not to make off with my fire stick.

But, I still hadn’t built a fire without matches.

This is a lack of skill that demanded rectification. Being able to make fire is a basic survival skill that every man should master. So, yesterday afternoon I set out into the grand wilderness of my back yard, magnesium in hand, determined to not return until fire had been made.

I am quite happy to report that I am not still out in my backyard. I did in fact manage to build a fire using nothing but the magnesium, my pocket knife, and leaves and sticks that I found laying around my yard. OK, in the interest of full disclosure, there was one small cheat in effect. We’ve had a lot of rain and snow melt recently, so most of the natural material laying around my yard was pretty wet. So, to help things along, I did employ the use of a cotton ball soaked in petroleum jelly to get things going. But, I carry those in my pack also.

At the end of the day, I checked off another box on my mental list of manly skills. Now, let’s grab some hot dogs and marshmallows, get some friends together and enjoy some campfire time!

 

UPDATE: As I thought about this post, I decided that I should put together an actual tutorial on fire-building. Not sure when that will actually happen, but it’s on my list for sure. I’ll get Will to help me out with that.

Slow Down and Pay Attention

This morning after my shower, the air in the bathroom was especially steamy, so I opened the window to let in some cool air while I cleaned off the mirror with a towel. As I went on with my morning shave, I paused for a few seconds to just really take in the quiet of the early morning. What I noticed most prominently were the scents and sounds. The aromas of eucalyptus and menthol from my shave cream. Something about that scent clears my head and gives me a little boost first thing in the morning. Then, what really struck me was the sound of the birds chirping outside.  There weren’t vast numbers of them, but more than I have heard in months. And they weren’t terribly loud, so I would never have heard them had the window remained shut. They sounded as though they were engaged in a very happy conversation but didn’t want the whole world to know, just those who were close by.

It feels like it has been a really long winter here, but the sound of the birds was a gentle reminder that Spring really is right around the corner. A reminder that I really needed to hear. And a reminder that I might have missed had I not taken a few moments to slow down and pay attention to the world around me.

My wife often says that part of what she loves about the approach of Spring is that when you are paying attention and really watching for the signs, you get a sneak peek of Spring before anyone else. When others wake up one day and realize that, “Wow, Spring is finally here!”, you know that you have been seeing the signs for weeks.  It’s like a little secret between you and mother nature.

Today I really experienced what she means. Mother nature sent some of smallest creatures to whisper in my ear and tell me a little secret.  Spring is almost here. I’m just glad I was listening.

What Happened to Guys Respecting Women?

Recently, our 16-year old daughter posted a Facebook status that really seemed timely in that it fed right into a lot of what I have been thinking about lately.  She said:

“What happened to guys respecting women?”

This is a really interesting question coming from a teenager today, and the wording recognizes that there have at least been some guys out there who do respect women, but something has changed.  It also expresses a belief that while we have lost some of what we once had, we should try to get it back and guys should start showing some respect.
Even more interesting to me was the insight put forth by one of her male friends (you know who you are), who writes:

“it’s not that guys like disrespecting women, it’s that women seem to always go for the douchebag. So then guys become douchebags to get girls. So if girls want a man to be a gentleman, make him be. Don’t settle for less.”

I was honestly astonished by this level of insight. It gave me hope for the future of their generation that at least one young guy out there recognizes that girls are teaching guys how to act and that it doesn’t have to be that way.
I jut hope that our daughter’s recognition that there are good guys out there is at least partly due to my example. And moreover, I hope that I can model to my son that the right thing to do is to be a gentleman, because that’s what real men do.
I’ll wrap up by including my response to the whole conversation. I said:

“… It's easy to see why this happens. There are lots of douchebag guys out there that are getting lots of girls. I mean, have you ever watched an episode of Jersey Shore? But, really girls, are these the guys that you want?
For the girls, the bottom line here is that if you want guys to treat you better, then stop tolerating guys that don't. You show them how to be when you give the douchebags what they want.
And guys, it's time to man up and start treating girls like the treasures that they are. And I'm not talking about being whipped, either. In the end, girls don't really want that any more than they want a douchebag. I'm talking about respect. Hold doors for her. Offer her your jacket when it's cold outside. Stand up for her when others attack. It's only old-fashioned if you let it be, and I believe that most girls like it.”

What are your thoughts?

A Bad Shave = A Bad Start To My Day

I have written about shaving a couple of times recently (here and here), with the emphasis on the positive impact that changing this part of the daily routine can have.  However, this is a blade that cuts both ways (so to speak).  Just as having a really good shave can start the day off right, if the shave doesn't come off so smoothly, it can put a sour pall over the morning.  Today was such a day for me.  For some reason I didn't take the time to do it right and enjoy the experience like I should.  I tried to rush it and ended up hacking my face up a bit.  It was frustrating, and mildly painful, which just started my day off wrong.  I found myself irritated by pretty much everything that happened for the rest of the morning.

Tomorrow, I will be making sure to slow down and do things right, and get my day off to a better start.  I know, for those who have just always shaved with their Mach3, this still sounds like a bunch of bunk.  I can only hope that the more I write about it, the more men will be convinced to give the traditional wet shave a try.  When done properly with the right mindset, it can be calming experience that enhances your feeling of manliness and connection with tradition.

My Reading List

Having been inspired by a blog post over at the Art of Manliness, I decided to put together my own "bucket list" of books that I want to make sure I read.  Some of the books on the list at AoM appeal to me very much, and others not so much.  What I am going to present here is my list of books that I want to read.  As I make my way through them, I will put together my thoughts on each one, and I will come back to this post and update it to indicate which ones I have read, by linking them to my own posts discussing them.  I may also add to this list from time to time, as I read about or hear of other books that I want to read.  Some of these I have read before, mostly in high school, but I am going to read them again to make sure I have a more mature viewpoint and understanding of the material.  Many of these are very academic, and I may not make it through them out of sheer boredom.  If that is that case, I will still make note of my thoughts here.

The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
Slaughterhouse-Five (Kurt Vonnegut)
1984 (George Orwell)
The Republic (Plato)
Brothers Karamazov (Fyodor Dostoevsky)
The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
The Wealth of Nations (Adam Smith)
For Whom the Bell Tolls (Ernest Hemingway)
The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)
The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
How To Win Friends And Influence People Dale Carnegie)
Call of the Wild (Jack London)
The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt (Edmund Morris)
Swiss Family Robinson (Johann David Wyss)
Dharma Bums (Jack Kerouac)
The Iliad and Odyssey (Homer)
Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
Walden (Henry David Thoreau)
Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
The Master and Margarita (Mikhail Bulgakov)
Bluebeard (Kurt Vonnegut)
Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
The Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka)
White Noise (Don Delillo)
Ulysses (James Joyce)
The Young Man’s Guide (William Alcott)
Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West (Cormac McCarthy)
Seek: Reports from the Edges of America & Beyond (Denis Johnson)
Crime And Punishment (Fyodor Dostoevsky)
Steppenwolf (Herman Hesse)
The Book of Deeds of Arms and of Chivalry (Christine De Pizan)
The Art of Warfare (Sun Tzu)
Don Quixote (Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra)
Into the Wild (Jon Krakaue)
The Divine Comedy (Dante Alighieri)
The Hobbit (JRR Tolkien)
The Rough Riders (Theodore Roosevelt)
East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
Leviathan (Thomas Hobbes)
The Thin Red Line (James Jones)
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain)
The Politics (Aristotle)
First Edition of the The Boy Scout Handbook
Cyrano de Bergerac (Edmond Rostand)
Tropic of Cancer (Henry Miller)
The Crisis (Winston Churchill)
The Naked and The Dead (Norman Mailer)
Hatchet (Gary Paulsen)
Animal Farm (George Orwell)
Tarzan of the Apes (Edgar Rice Burroughs)
Beyond Good and Evil (Freidrich Nietzsche)
The Federalist Papers (Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, and James Madison)
Moby Dick (Herman Melville)
Essential Manners for Men (Peter Post)
Frankenstein (Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly)
Hamlet (Shakespeare)
The Boys of Summer (Roger Kahn)
A Separate Peace (John Knowles)
A Farewell To Arms (Ernest Hemingway)
The Stranger (Albert Camus)
Robinson Crusoe (Daniel Dafoe)
The Pearl (John Steinbeck)
On the Road (Jack Kerouac)
Treasure Island (Robert Louis Stevenson)
A Confederacy of Dunces (John Kennedy Toole)
Foucault’s Pendulum (Umberto Eco)
The Great Railway Bazaar (Paul Theroux)
Fear and Trembling (Soren Kierkegaard)
Undaunted Courage (Stephen Ambrose)
Paradise Lost (John Milton)
Cannery Row (John Steinbeck)
American Boys’ Handy Book
Into Thin Air (Jon Krakauer)
King Solomon’s Mines (H. Rider Haggard)
The Idiot (Fyodor Dostoevsky)
A River Runs Through It (Norman F. Maclean)
The Island of Dr. Moreau (H.G. Wells)
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
Theodore Rex (Edmund Morris)
The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
All Quiet on The Western Front (Erich Maria Remarq)
The Red Badge of Courage (Stephen Crane)
Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans (Plutarch)
A Strenuous Life (Theodore Roosevelt)
Lonesome Dove (Larry McMurtry)
The Maltese Falcon (Dashiell Hammett)
The Long Goodbye (Raymond Chandler)
To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
The Dangerous Book for Boys (Conn and Hal Iggulden)
The Killer Angels (Michael Shaara)
The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
The Histories (Herodotus)
From Here to Eternity (James Jones)
The Frontier in American History (Frederick Jackson Turner)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (Robert Pirsig)
Self Reliance (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

You Don't Need More Time

... you just need to decide.

Seth Godin posted this simple, yet extremely powerful bit of wisdom on his blog yesterday, and I felt compelled to share it.  I enjoy reading most of Seth's posts, which tend to be predominantly business/marketing focused.  This one, however, spoke directly to me on a much deeper level.

I constantly feel, and often say to those around me, that time is my enemy.  There never seems to be enough of it to get done the myriad things that need to get done.  Always in a state of being overwhelmed by the mountain of tasks and work in front of me, I am often unable to appreciate the accomplishments because I have to immediately turn my attention back to the never-ending supply of new stuff filling my plate.

Seth's directive raises one obvious question.  What do I need to decide?  Everyone who reads this and feels like Seth's post speaks to them will have a different interpretation and the answer will be different to each of them.  But for me, this question had two immediate and powerful answers that relate to two specific (and conflicting) parts of my personality.

First, I tend to be a procrastinator.  Even in the face of mounting responsibilities, I will often put off a task, particularly if it is unappealing or just plain not any fun.  Worse yet, in the interim time between now and when I actually get around to doing the thing that needs to get done, I might not be doing anything else of importance, either.  So, I must decide to do what needs to be done, right now.  Not later.  And regardless of whether or not I want to do it.  If it needs to be done, then I must decide to do it and take action.

Second, I tend to take on more than I can possibly do in a timely fashion.  I work a job that requires many hours in order to do the job well, I have loads of home improvement projects underway, and I'm an active leader in my son's Boy Scout troop.  And that doesn't include the time and energy required to be a decent husband, father, and friend.  The answer here was abundantly clear to me when I read Seth's post.  I must decide to only take on as much as I can realistically accomplish.  Right now, I have a backlog.  So, what that means is that I must decide to not take on anything new until I can work out from under some of it.  And then, I must continually decide to not add any more than I can realistically handle.

So, is time really my enemy after all?  No, I dare say that time is not my enemy.  Rather, I have been my own enemy by not recognizing the need (and the power) to choose.  I don't need more time.  I need to decide.

Mountains. Let's Go.

For anyone who follows this blog, you might have noticed that I changed out the header graphics.  I did this to more accurately reflect where I want to be, both literally and figuratively.  The image shown is from a photo I took on a trip to the Smoky Mountains last fall with my beautiful wife.  We expected the trip to be a good time, and we were looking forward to the challenge of the difficult hikes we had planned.  What we didn't expect was the overwhelming feeling that when we were in the mountains, we had finally come home.  It was a feeling unlike anything I've ever felt before; a longing to be able to stay there and be surrounded by the beauty and simplicity of nature.

Literally, we want to live in in the shadow of the Smoky Mountains, and we have begun the process of aligning our plans and actions to make this a reality.  We will most likely always have a residence in Fort Wayne, IN, as our roots are here and we have friends and family here, but we look forward to calling the mountains home.

Figuratively, the peace and simplicity of the mountains is extremely appealing to me, and having an image from that place as a daily reminder helps me stay focused on eliminating unnecessary stress and complexity from my daily life.  A simple example of this came from simply changing my approach to a task that most men do on a daily basis, shaving (I wrote it about it earlier today, so it's still on my mind).  But, it is a great illustration of making a simple change to introduce simplicity into my life.

So, the main image on my blog now prominently features mountains.  Let's go there.

Speaking of Shaving...

In my last post, I mentioned that I had shaved off my mustache, which is something that I had done perhaps once prior to that day.  Today, I'd like to expand on that a little, and talk about shaving in general.  Thanks to one of my absolute favorite online communities, I recently read about how to shave like my grandpa.  The article extols the virtues of the classic wet-shave using a double-edge safety razor and real shave soap applied using a real badger-hair brush.

I was immediately intrigued by the idea of slowing down for a minute and learning a technique that has some history and elegance behind it.  So, I ordered a Merkur Model 180 Safety Razor and a 10-pack of Merkur Double-Edge Platinum Blades from Amazon to get me started.  For this first foray into the world of the classic wet-shave, I actually did not pick up the badger-hair brush, or real shave soap, for two reasons.  First, I wanted to limit how much I invested in gear, in case I didn't like it.  Second, I still had a full can of shave gel and I figured I could just use that up.  I have since ordered a Swissco Badger Shave Brush and a tube of Proraso Shave Cream, which should be arriving in the next couple of days.

In the article I linked up above, Brett says that "switching from a cheap disposable razor to double edged safety razor is like upgrading from a Pinto to a BMW" (note: I have slightly altered this quotation to reflect my particular automotive tastes).  I have to completely, 100% agree with his assessment.  There is something of a learning curve to using the double-edge razor, but once you get it figured out, it's a whole different experience.  It takes more time to do it right, as compared to shaving with a disposable cartridge razor, but this extra time is part of the beauty of it.  It forces you to slow down a little and actually experience the process, rather than just rushing through it like we so often do with the routine tasks in our lives.

In this era of smartphones, laptops, iPads, RSS feeds, 1000 channels of TV content, instant messaging, traffic jams, endless meetings, and a million other constant, hectic distractions, it is really refreshing to connect with a less-hectic time.  Taking 15 minutes to shut out the modern world and do something as simple as shaving really gives me a sense of calm that sets the stage for being able to then tackle the challenges of the modern world.

The simple act of shaving the way our fathers and grandfathers did creates a sense that I am carrying on a proud tradition, one that many great men before me engaged in.  It sounds corny, but I encourage you to keep an open mind and try it.  There are lots of great resources out there on learning the techniques, as well as recommendations on what equipment to start with.  The article that I linked to up above is a great starting point, and in addition to that, the rest of the AoM community is a fantastic resource for modern men. Men who, like me, long to revive the lost arts that great men before us engaged in and learn to become great men that future generations can be proud of.